I Do Not Hook Up
by Sendmeonmyway
Summary: A radio contest for a sold out concert brings two people together on Halloween Night in a sketchy Haunted House. The only way to win: make it till morning. SSAA Two-shot for sweeks539. Warning for language and Citrus. Happy Halloween!


_A/N: Hey all!_

_Happy Halloween!_

_In Honor of the season,__**sweeks539,**__who won me in the author's auction has requested I write a Halloween story._

_Now I fell completely in love with this while I was writing it and have decided to break it into a__**two-shot**__._

_As many of you might have guess my life is crazy busy right now, but I am doing my best. I will update my other stories....CHILL._

_**WARNING: Language is pretty bad in this one. There will be some citrus. It's M for a reason.**_

_**And this was edited by **__**flicker-of-lurvv**__**. Thank you Sweetie =]**_

_Enjoy!_

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the haunted house. But sweeks539 owns me =]

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BPOV

"I can't believe you are making me do this!" I grumbled from the passenger's seat.

The sun was just starting to go down which was adding to my already frazzled nerves. It would only be about another hour until it was completely dark and the contest would begin.

"Relax, Bella. It's not a big deal. We go in; we stay there for a couple of hours, try not to freak ourselves out, then we go home. Easy peasy," Emmett chuckled from the driver's side, beating his hands along to whatever obscure lewd rap song he was listening to.

"Emmett, I don't even like scary movies, why would you think I would be any good at staying in a haunted house for the night?" I asked him for probably the fiftieth time since he had first asked me.

105.7 KFGM was hosting a contest for concert tickets to The Fray with some new sick band that had played at the college last year. There was no way neither Emmett nor I were going to pass up on that opportunity. The only catch was that you had to stay overnight in the creepy as fuck old run-down castle-looking nightmare a couple towns over. Oh and the other catch? You needed a partner to enter.

Of course, I was ready to just bow out and give up but not Emmett. Nope he was all gung-ho about it. I've never seen him so giddy in his life. And once Emmett sets his mind on something it gets done. I really no longer had any choice in the matter. I was going whether I liked it or not, but the stubborn part of me was not quite ready to give up yet.

"You do know that we can just buy the tickets and save ourselves a lot of time and energy."

"No we cannot. This is a sold out concert and you want to go just as much as I do so suck it up little sis and get over your lame irrational fears. No ghost will hurt you with me there." He boasted, puffing out his chest which made him look even goofier as he was already slumped over in our small car.

"What, did they see your face and run in the opposite direction?" I teased.

"No, they can just sense my bad-assery from miles away."

"Oh so that's what that nasty smell is..." I trailed off, rolling my eyes.

"Hardy-har-har, you're so damn funny..." he mumbled.

The sky was getting darker, and I could see a break in the trees ahead. My only other real concern with the whole haunted house thing was that it was in the middle of East-fucking-chukka. If we were to, I don't know, get thrown off a balcony by some pissed off spirit we would pretty much be dead in the first place, but no one would hear us scream. And I refused to be found years later, already rotting. That shit is just nasty.

The trees finally broke and I felt like I was in one of those really lame horror movies where the car breaks down but the idiots are stupid enough to go to the first house even though it is sketchy as hell only to find the people that live there are even sketchier and the phone lines are cut and the skanky blond chick always dies first. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing because she was a stupid bitch to begin with, but then we have to hear her 'nails-on-a-chalkboard' screaming wails as she dies slowly.

And no, I definitely do not ramble on when I get nervous.

Yeah, I really need to stop doing that.

But it wasn't my fault this place was shady. I felt like at any second someone should have cued the thunder-clouds rolling in and the lightening.

Of course because this was my worst nightmare coming true, Emmett was enjoying every God-damn second of it. "Holy shit Bella! Check this place out. Man this is sick!"

"Yeah, something is about to be sick," I mumbled, feeling my stomach roll at the knowledge that I was about to spend one night, in almost pitch darkness stuck in that place with my older brother aka the pain in the ass that acts like he's ten.

_Awesome._

EPOV

"Alice this is the lamest thing you have ever made me do." I told her as I retrieved our things from the back of my Volvo.

"Come on Edward. Have a little fun. I mean really what were you going to do tonight anyway? Go out to some lame party and get wasted with all ya damn frat boys while some nasty skank full of STD's tries to get you to be her baby's daddy?" She asked tapping her high heels on the concrete and crossing her arms over her chest with accusation all over her face.

She was right of course. Probably about the whole thing. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but I was good-looking and I damn well knew it. For some reason girls just became putty in my hands. I couldn't help it; ever since middle school when boys stopped having cooties or whatever they call it these days the girls had been all over me. I figured I had two options, be a serial dater or be a man hoe. I tried the first way first, but I found in a relationship a guy has very little power to get anything he wants. That left me with door number two.

I haven't looked back since, except that one time with that crazy bitch who tried to get me to not wear a condom so I would knock her up. I don't fucking think so.

Of course Alice didn't approve of my extracurricular activities one bit. It was probably because her friends often ended up naked in my bed the next morning, and pissed when I kicked them out. Unfortunately no matter how clear you are going into it most girls still just don't understand the concept of one night stands. Alice never appreciates it when her new friends decide they don't want to be friends with her anymore because of me.

This leaves me on her shit-list which means one of two things: shopping sprees on my credit card, or being her escort to fancy runway shows. This was a new one for Alice. But I guess I deserved it. I really was kinda being a selfish douche-bag at times, but I loved my sister more than anything in the world. She was the one constant in my life of parties, sex, and classes. She was the one that took my shit and helped me when I royally fucked my life up on occasion. I owed her a shit ton more than a couple short trips every other weekend, so I couldn't bitch...too much.

"Could you please remind me why we are doing this again?" I moaned carrying my sling with my water, snacks, and two flashlights.

"Because I want those damn tickets! And I think it will be a great bonding experience. I've always wanted to try something like this," she related while we walked over to the station car where we were to sign in and find out what the fuck we were supposed to do for the next 9 hours.

"You watch the Sci-Fi channel way too much. Besides you know this shit isn't real, Alice. It's all in peoples' heads," I pointed out.

I knew Alice was all into this stuff but I wasn't buying into it for a second. I wasn't a real believer in the supernatural at all. It was just some peoples' overactive imaginations. Paranoia and dark creepy places do that to people.

"Yeah we'll see about that," she stated all knowingly.

I hated when she did this. She acted like she knew everything about everything and you were just too ignorant and stupid to keep up with her obviously high I.Q. Pain in the ass.

"Alright, Madam _cliché_. I'm going to go check out the competition a little. You register and catch up to me," I told her searching for something to at least keep me entertained for the next couple of hours.

Just because I was stuck here for the night of one of the best parties on campus didn't mean that I couldn't attempt to enjoy it a little. There had to be at least one good looking girl here.

"Don't you dare even think about trying anything Edward! I will kill you if you even think about hooking up with someone. I mean it!" She tried to reinforce after I began to chuckle at her.

"Calm down Alice. I have no idea what you are talking about. And you might want to be prepared to spend the rest of your life with one angry as fuck ghost because if you kill me I am haunting your ass." She started backing up giving me the _I'm watching you_gesture.

I held up my hands in innocence and slowly backed up right into someone. I heard a little squeal before I twirled back and started falling.

"Oof!" the distinctly feminine voice groaned as I heard her hit the ground.

I felt myself falling too and threw out my hands so I wouldn't land directly on top of her. I braced myself on my hands and caught my breath, attempting to calm my breathing a bit.

I opened my eyes only to see that my day was definitely looking up. She was gorgeous. Her wavy brown hair fanned out beside her and her cheeks were flushed with surprise. Her eyes snapped open as if she could feel my gaze on her and I was almost immediately lost in her deep brown eyes.

We stared at each other for a few moments before her cheeks began to flame bright red, apparently just recognizing the position we were in. I chuckled at the surprise in her eyes and her blush just deepened. She was adorable, really.

"Are you okay?" I asked my voice automatically deeper as I fought not to imagine her in this exact position with much less clothes on.

She looked frazzled for a second before shaking her head before whispering, "I'm fine."

"I'm glad," I whispered back, taunting her maybe just a bit.

This got her to loosen up a bit and she smiled brightly, starting to chuckle as she realized what she had just done. I joined her and pretty soon we were both full out laughing. It was music to my ears.

_God, what the hell was wrong with me?_

_Excuse me while I go change my fucking tampon._

"God I can't leave you alone for two seconds can I?!" I heard Alice screech as she made her way back over from registering.

The smile left my face slowly and I fought the urge to apologize to this beauty for whatever Alice was about to say. Alice was a little intense for most people, especially when she first meets them. She seems to forget not everyone loves life as much as she does.

I pushed myself up and off the ground, scowling at Alice before helping the beautiful brunette off the ground. She smiled and mouthed a small thank you, making me automatically flash my best, I-want-you-naked-under-me-by-the-end-of-the-night, smile. She blushed again and smiled back her own damn sexy smile.

Check this shit out. She had a little bit of spark in her after all. I was definitely liking this.

"Hi I'm Alice!" a tiny voice interrupted our moment.

I was both shocked and appalled when Alice threw her arms around her and gave mystery girl a big hug. Maybe I could play this to my advantage. If Alice kept this shit up I could convince her in no time that I was simply taking my 'special' sister out for Halloween.

_Wow I really am one sick fuck_.

I tried to catch the look on my beautiful brunette's face as Alice released her from her death grip, but she was turned the wrong way. Alice better not fuck this up for me.

"Hi," she responded timidly, obviously a little shocked by Alice's affectionate greetings.

"You two know each other?" she asked, clearly trying to determine if she had been one of my past conquests.

"No. He actually just ran directly into me and knocked me onto my butt without saying sorry." She said turning to Alice, making it sound like I had done it on purpose and wasn't sorry.

Okay so maybe I wasn't sorry. And maybe I did wish I had done it on purpose because that would have been sure brilliance. But I was never a fan of getting credit where it wasn't earned. Plus when she said it with that irritation in her voice it made me want to do whatever I could to get her to forgive me. And that shit just wasn't right.

"Is that so?" Alice asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Except I didn't do it on purpose and I wasn't even given a chance to apologize," I pointed out trying to flash my best innocent face.

She scoffed before turning to Alice, "Is he always like this?"

"Like what?" Alice asked trying to contain her excitement about what that scoff and statement might mean for her.

"Like he's trying way too hard to dazzle a girls pants right off of her," she clarified, staring me down.

That was it. The Alice dam had broken and no one was safe from her madness. "Oh thank GOD!" she shrieked, throwing her arms around the perceptive yet gorgeous brunette beside me.

This time she was prepared and just chuckled when Alice attacked her. I suddenly had an overwhelming need to know what was going on inside that head of hers.

"I'm so glad you are immune to him. I can tell we are going to be the best of friends!" she exclaimed, bouncing with her unconstrained enthusiasm for life.

"Okay?" The girl said hesitantly, unsure of what the crazy women beside her was going on about.

"ALL CONTESTANTS PLEASE MEET AT THE FRONT ENTRANCE!" A voice boomed over the loud speaker.

"Shit, where's Emmett..." The girl whispered to herself looking around frantically.

_Emmett?_

_Who the fuck is Emmett?_

Just then a huge lug of a man came running up the walkway with a huge grin on his face. He was the size of a grizzly bear, but he had the face of a teddy bear. You could tell just by looking at him the man was still just a boy and the minute he opened his mouth he confirmed this.

"Come one Bella! We're going to be late!" he whined, about two seconds away from stomping his foot.

She criticized me for trying to be charming, yet she was dating a 10 year old. Bitch.

"Well it was nice meeting you." She said politely, "Both." she added as an afterthought flashing me a cocky smile.

Holy shit! She was flirting with me after all that shit she just gave me. Damn. This is going to be an interesting night.

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**So there you have part one. I hope I am not too bad being out of practice and all...**

**Please let me know what you think. Add it to your alerts, favorite, or check out my other stories. I need to feel the love here.**

**I will update next week if you are all good little minions and review for me.**

**Pretty please with Edward on Top?**

**Xoxo- Sendmeonmyway**


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